As a disclaimer, this post is born out of the unexpected and sudden death of my mom in February of this year. And the resulting complexity of emotions that include intense grief stemming from her loss with simultaneous joy associated with her life well lived and the hope of what is to come. It is also born out of gratitude for the Michael Rainey and Associates team and our clients in how they have continued to support me personally (and graciously) during this time. Our clients have supported immensely through multiple changes to availability and updated action plans and timelines. Our team has supported me through shared responsibility and a level of care and concern that is nearly impossible to fully explain.
Three Truths Leaders Need to Understand
This experience has anecdotally codified for me three concepts that I have long thought to be true:
- Everybody I meet is going through a life altering event
- It is impossible for them to ‘leave it at the door’
- Expecting them to do so is a detriment both to them and the organization
The Myth of Leaving Life at the Door
During my time in the military, and a concept that has been reinforced with our service to those in the public safety sector, it has been common for me to hear (more than once) from well-intentioned leaders that you need to ‘leave your home life at the door’. The challenge is that this assumes that we as humans can suppress or eliminate stressors ‘on command’ which is categorically not possible. Furthermore, the resulting organizational culture reinforces the unrealistic expectation that “professionalism requires silence” and that “unspoken issues should not affect performance.”
The Hidden Cost of Emotional Suppression
In research associated with the field of failure analysis, this model is known as emotional suppression and is a strategy strongly associated with reduced cognitive performance, degraded judgment, and poorer long‑term health outcomes in high‑risk occupations[1][2]. The result? The illusion of professionalism and resiliency is maintained in name only and actual performance is compromised.
Expecting our teams to suppress their emotions leads to professionalism or resilience being preserved in name only, while actual performance is compromised.
High Reliability Teams Treat Stress as a Variable
In stark contrast, studies of High Reliability Organizations (HROs) such as aviation, nuclear operations, wildland fire, healthcare, and special operations, demonstrate that successful leaders treat stress, distraction, and fatigue as operational variables, just like weather or equipment limitations and not moral, physical, or mental weakness[3][4].
Furthermore, in her research on psychological safety, Professor Amy Edmondson identified that ‘one of the strongest predictors of safety and learning in high‑risk teams’ is the belief that speaking up about concerns will not result in punishment or humiliation[5]. Further research in this area identified that (1) high‑performing teams report more problems, not fewer, and (2) those reports allow early correction before failure propagates[6]. The ability for our teams to be open about all factors that are affecting the accomplishment of the mission (including those emotional, relational, or behavioral stressors) allows the team to account for risks that can be mitigated prior to time of execution.
Support Strengthens Performance Under Stress
It is unequivocal that there are distinct times and places where lives are in the balance and actions must be taken with an unwavering level of focus, intentionality, and attention to detail. However, the issue arises when we, as leaders, turn this truth into an unrealistic expectation that members of our teams must suppress “life” itself, rather than acknowledge it as a reality that can be recognized, considered, and accounted for in our actions. Stressors, whether stemming from grief or other circumstances, do impact performance, but they do not negate our ability to perform under that same stress.
In fact, I am experiencing the exact opposite. I am experiencing the ability to perform in the midst of intense stress, specifically because of a team, both internal and external, that has come together in a. way that provides meaningful support. That support has directly contributed to my performance. And that is what I desire for every team to experience!
If you’re interested in exploring how we can assist your organization, we invite you to reach out for a complimentary consultation. Let’s discuss how we can help you achieve your desired outcomes and move forward with confidence.
[1] Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well‑being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362.
[2] Thompson, T. J., & Morton, L. C. (2024). Emotion regulation and quality of life in American police officers. Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology, 39, 170–183.
[3] National Interagency Fire Center. (2013). High Reliability Organizing in Wildland Fire.
[4] Federal Aviation Administration. (2022). Findings from the FAA Fatigue Working Group (DOT/FAA/AM‑22/09).
[5] Edmondson, A. C. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383.
[6] Murray, J. S., Campbell, J., & Larson, S. (2025). Achieving psychological safety in high‑reliability organizations. Federal Practitioner, 42(4), 154–157.
